January 6, 2009

The Awakening

I'm supposed to be rewriting a paper for my english class. I got a C on the original, so now I have to redo it. I had two weeks of winter break, plus the months after I got the paper, but now I'm doing it, the night before. I stayed home all day today because I had a fever, but now it's almost 12:00 and I'm still trying to put it off by writing this blog.

The worst part is that the paper is on a book that pretty much is my life. It's so weird to read a book and be like "I know these people, this is my life." I felt this way when I read A Catcher in the Rye, my brother is so much like Holden, and now I feel this way about The Awakening.

The protagonist in The Awakening is the wife to some guy with a high paying job. They summer in the right places, they have the right children, and Edna, the protagonists, attends to all her social duties. The thing is, she's not happy. She thought this stuff would make her happy, but it hasn't. She realizes she doesn't want to be a trophy wife, she wants to be an individual and an artist.

This, in short, is my mother. My parents are currently going through a divorce. My dad is a successful real estate attorney and my mother has been a stay at home mom. She's sacrificed a lot for me and my brother, especially because my brother had a lot of issues growing up (think Holden Caulfeild). At 50 she's realized that it's not worth it anymore. Her financial security isn't worth the country club conformity, even if that's what she thought she wanted. In the fall, when I start at Boston University, my mom will move to Santa Fe where she can pursue her art and finally be the independent person she's always wanted to be.

This is what I want to write my essay about. I don't want to write textual evidence because I have real evidence. I can say that social pressures fuck you up because I see it, ever day. And yes, I see my mothers almost naive attempts to explain herself as an individual, an artist, and I cringe whenever she drunkenly tells me, "never to depend on a man" but I know its true, to a degree.

So, Mrs. Graffam, my life is my fucking analytical essay, and yeah, maybe I deserve a C, because honestly, it's kind of shitty at the moment.

To anyone who reads this, a question

Have you ever read a book, seen a movie, or watched a show that you really connected to?


Aziza said...

I have not. Because I think if I had, I would have remembered.
But wow, Holden Caulfield as your brother? What's that like?

m.a. said...

Nearly everything I read I have some connection to. I wonder if that's perhaps I've slowed down my pace of reading and have had trouble jump starting my writing again. You seem like the type of student I would like to have.

Reader-response--what you are doing is a form of criticism. It's a school of thought that is very real and very poignant. Perhaps there is a way for you to do what you want and what your teacher wanted you to do as well.

This is a great start to a blog.

TuesdayPillow said...

I think it's nearly impossible to not have a connection to most fictional entities. However, I resonate with very few in my entirety. I also can think of none right now so I guess that makes this comment really boring :P